Friday, June 06, 2003

This week has been quite a week. I started it thinking this female friend of mine was interested in me, and as the days went by I became more convinced she was interested. But by the end of the week, when I had so much confidence that I was reading her correctly, I was shot down like those ducks in the old Atari game.

It started last week with little things that made me think she might be interested, but I wasn't sure. For instance, she'd poke me in the ribs if I was standing with my back to her, said stuff like "I should always have you around as my guard". Of course, that alone didn't mean much.

Than, this week she suggested we go eat lunch together and started asking me a million questions. I thought she was probing to see if there's a chance for a relationship there. She made references, jokingly, to the two of us going on a trip abroad together. Then, when a friend of ours came by and asked her if she's got anything going on in her love life she said "No, I'm not thinking in that direction now. Neither is Emmanuel". I wasn't sure what to read into that. Was she just trying to repell the friend from asking questions, while making it clear to me that she didn't really mean it, by putting me and her in the same situation? Or was she trying to tell me we're just friends? But then, why would she have to add that I'm not thinking in that direction either? It's like telling me, "You're either with me or with nobody".

There were other things she said that seemed like blunt hints to me. I was walking with her and another friend of ours, and the friend and I were talking, and she said to him jokingly "Hey, Danny, don't steal my boyfriend." Than she quickly added, maybe to cover for her slip of the tongue, "I don't have so many friends as it is". Later, she said we should make plans for the next day to go out somewhere. I thought she meant just the two of us.

The next day, she mentioned the fact that she was wearing the same thing a few others were wearing. "Who looks best?" She asked me. "Wait, don't answer that. You're biased because of -" and she pointed at me and herself. Now, I interpretted that as saying "There's something starting between us, and it's clear to the both of us, and that's why you're biased towards me." Or did she simply mean I was biased because we were good friends?

Two hours later, when we next saw each other, I said "Let's go out tonight".
"Okay, do you know where Anat is going?"
"I don't know", I answered, "I didn't ask her."
"Why not?"
"I want to go out with you, just the two of us, without our other friends." You should have seen her face. She really seemed like she didn't have a clue this was coming (and had I interpretted her signals correctly, she wouldn't be that surprised, maybe just surprised I had the guts to ask her that early).
"Just the two of us as friends, right? Because I don't date classmates."
I should have said, "No, I mean like a real date. But if you aren't interested that's fine." Instead, I said "Yes, just as friends. You're a better friend than the others. That's why I wanted to go out just with you, platonicly."

Lame. She probably understood I just said that to save face. At least I would have left a better impression without that lame "Oh no, of course as friends" line.

A few minutes later a mutual female friend of ours hugged her, and she joked, "Leave me alone, I like Emmanuel better." By then, I stopped trying to interpret her. I guess it's just the way she talks.

What bothers me about this is how I don't understand women. I mean, I'm not in love with her. I wasn't even interested in her till I started thinking she was interested in me. But seems I was way off in reading her signs, which it turns out, were probably not really signs. Maybe the only real sign was when she said it wasn't a good time for her in the romance departmemt. That's the only sign I should have listened to and layed off.

So anyway, no harm done. At least I asked her out and got rejected, instead of me still thinking she was interested and wasting more of my time around her.

I won't ignore her now. No reason to be ashamed of asking her out and being rejected. I'll just go back to normal friends mode. I'll hang out with her the same way I hung out with her before I thought we had a mutual interest in each other. If she changes her mind, she'll have to come to me. I won't play hard to get or anything like that, but I won't give her more attention than I give my other friends.

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