Tuesday, August 12, 2003

I returned from the States last week. I had a great time. I must admit I'm sorry to be back. This year I had 5 birthday parties - one at home with my sisters before I left and then when I was at my relatives' house in New England they invited a different set of people each day and surprised me every day with a birthday cake - one day before, on, and one day after my birthday. Then about a week later, other friends of ours heard that it had just been my birthday so they also got me a birthday cake.

We did some site-seeing but we mostly saw friends and family. I attended my cousin's wedding - American weddings are very different from Israeli weddings, since we don't have the best man, bridesmaids and flower girl and all that. And we're much less official. It was my first time wearing a tie since kindergarten. I had a great time, danced a lot with two second cousins that I never met before. The two of them and one of their boyfriends might come to Israel sometime soon with the Birthright program, to tour, so I'll be their guide for my area.

My self-esteem and self-confidence rose during this trip. Everybody seemed to like me and be impressed by me. As a result, I came to the conclusion that I'm not interested in Naomi. I shouldn't chase around someone who isn't interested in me, and I'm not even sure we're a good match. I'm sure I can find a girl, which in a relationship with her we'll both feel lucky to be together. That doesn't mean I don't want to go to Italy with Naomi. We'll go, but just as friends, and neither of us will want any more than that.

In my trip in the US I went to a movie with a friend of mine. She's five years older, a mother of a 2-year old and now getting a divorce. We went just as friends, but I was attracted to her like crazy. She's smart, she's beautiful (looks much better than Naomi) and most important, she's a nice person. But she didn't know I'm attracted to her, and I didn't try anything. I'm too young to get involved with a woman who has a kid, besides the fact that she lives in the US and I live in Israel. Our families have been friends for decades, and we spent a few days with them. So I talked to her a lot, just because it was nice talking to her, and played with her kid a lot, just because I like playing with kids and he's a cute baby. She later e-mailed my sister writing I'm a great person. I'm happy to hear that she thinks so, though it doesn't mean she's interested in me. I'm not interested in her, either, just attracted to her.

And back to Naomi again - yes, I've come to the conclusion I'm not interested in her, but I'm still concerned about her. Yesterday she finally gave me a little tidbit about her problem - she said she spends most of her days at the hospital because of one of her relatives. She didn't say any more - not which relative, and not what diseas. Yesterday evening I called her and she couldn't talk, today I sent her an SMS message and called her once, and she didn't answer. I'm worried that something might have happened to the relative.

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