Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mel Gibson's Penance

An old Jew walks by another old Jew and is shocked to see he is reading the anti-Semitic newspaper Der Sturmer. "Moishe, why are your reading this filth?!", he asks with disgust. "Oh, in the Jewish papers there's poverty, illness, war and suffering. But in Der Sturmer we control the world!"

I was reminded of this joke by the recent arrest of Mel Gibson, during which he accused the Jews of causing all the wars in the world. Now he has given Jews the role of Roman Catholic priest. He has come into our confession booth (the media, you know, we control it, just like we control wars worldwide and the weather) and asked for us to give him penance and absolve him of his sin. Maureen Dowd asked Leon Wieseltier for his favored punishment and here is his amusing answer:

"He has been a very bad goy," Leon said.

"It is really rich to behold Gibson asking Jews to behave like Christians. Has he forgotten how bellicose and wrathful and unforgiving we are? Why would a people who start all the wars make a peace? Perhaps he's feeling a little like Jesus, hoping that the Jews don't do their worst and preparing himself for more evidence of their disappointing behavior.

"I have always wondered why people who believe that we control the world do not have more respect for us. Take that cop who arrested Gibson. Do you think it was a coincidence that he was a Jew? We have been following Gibson's every move since he released that movie. The other night, when our uniformed brother spotted him bobbing and weaving in his star car, we saw an opportunity and we took it. Don't blame us. It's what Yahweh would do.

"When Officer Mee busted him, we all busted him.

"Moreover, it is the elders' considered view that whereas alcoholism may require a process of recovery, anti-Semitism is a more intractable and less chic failing. This was not a moment of insanity, even if Gibson is insane. His hatred of Jews was plain in his movie and in his twisted defense of it, which was made when he was sober under the influence of his primitive world view. Perhaps he thinks that all he needs to do is spend a few months in AA - Anti-Semites Anonymous - and find some celebrity sponsor and run for absolution to Larry Zeiger, I mean Larry King, where he can say with perfect sincerity that the Holocaust was a terrible thing and gut yontif.

"But the elders have instructed Larry to be strict with the uncircumcised offender. He is to appear only opposite "American Idol" and in the company of David Gest.

"We understand that Gibson cannot do it alone. But why do we have to do it with him? We would find it hard to be in a room with him unless, of course, he wants to count some money with us. Why doesn't he turn to the vast number of his Christian brothers and sisters who show no trace of anything resembling his disgusting prejudice?

"Mad Max is making Max mad, and Murray, and Irving, and Mort, and Marty, and Abe. But weÂ’re not completely heartless. If he wants to do Shylock at dinner theater, fine. If he agrees to fill his swimming pool with Kabbalah water, fine."

Then Leon was just too aggravated to speak. He mumbled something in Aramaic and hung up.
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  1. Ah! The infamous Australian redneck straw man overshadows the War of Israeli Aggression in Lebanon on your blog... quite similar to the U.S. media's handling of this event. Really shows you what's important in this world, huh.

  2. So I'm supposed to post about the war and nothing else? No room for comic relief?